I’ll Make a Cup Of Coffee….

That day I drove down there was so surreal. Remembering the last time I drove that way to see you. I was nervous, excited, thoughts and heart racing. I remember being so scared that I was at the wrong place, I sent you a text asking you to come outside, you replied “your at the right place.” lol

I remember you opening the door, the smile on your face, the smile on mine that I tried to hide. I remember looking into your eyes once I felt brave enough and that moment we shared. How even though time had passed, it was as if time had not passed at all.

We drank coffee, you took me out to the garage. We talked about history and tv shows and the paranormal. You shared your past with me. It felt heavy, I wanted to learn. I called my sister as I drove home, wanting to know how I could best love you in those moments of intense pain. Wanting to know how we might be able to spend the 4th of July. Wanting to recognize the little things, when to allow space and when to love you harder.

A song, I have never heard before came on the radio. As I drove to your house the other day, It caught my attention, as I had been making you coffee every day since I found out. Each morning a hot cup next to a white candle I have been lighting religiously.

Then, this song played again. It was the only one that played twice. My mind was in other places, in shock you wouldn't be opening the door once I got there, like you did last time. I didn't know what it said. Then, two days later, I woke up with it stuck in my mind, so I looked it up.

I’m sorry too.